Spend more time, not more money
Submitted by jcht2010 on
By Kate McCarrell
Guest Columnist
Raising kids today is becoming more and more expensive.
There are many struggling to provide the basics for their families, but the outside world suggests that we provide more.
Abigail Van Buren says, “If you want your children to turn out well, spend twice as much time with them, and half as much money.” I think she has a point.
must say that my boys don't “want” for anything. Between us and family who love to buy clothes/shoes for them, the closets are bursting at the seams.
I know that their wardrobe far exceeds mine in quantity and cost and I am totally OK with that. Our boys are able to participate in all the activities they want and are provided with the proper equipment needed. We take them on fun outings and they have almost any toy they have ever asked for.
Every morning I get up make lunches and pull out clothes for the boys. Most of the time I give them options (you know – jeans, shorts, polos t-shirts, etc,) but some days are just too busy and I’m threatening them within inches of their lives to just “get dressed!”
Thank goodness I am a boy mom. There is no time spent on fixing hair and no worries with matching accessories. It’s the basics around here – clothing, socks and shoes. The triplets really don't care too much yet about their attire. Their clothing desires are mostly directed at comfort.
Peyton, on the other hand, has a daily request. At the beginning of the year he was more concerned if his clothing would hinder his performance in PE and recess. I guess I get it though, I certainly don't wear jeans or cargo shorts to the gym. As the year has gone by, he seems to be a little more concerned and opinionated as to what he is wearing.
This Christmas he asked for a new pair of tennis shoes. Although he already had three, almost new (name brand) pair in this closet he wanted a specific brand/style. By his request, I could tell he wanted these because they were popular and everyone else had them. He was very proud of his new shoes and grateful to have them.
Although this topic has been on my mind and tip of my tongue for a while, a conversation last week with Peyton spurred my column. As the boys were getting dressed for school, Peyton mentioned something that he never had before. He said, “my shoes don't match my clothes.”
The first two things that came to mind were, “I thought I avoided the matching shoe issue when I had boys instead of girls” and “dang it kid, you are wearing those $100+ dollar shoes even if all they match is your underwear!”
Instead, I got to the bottom of it and sure enough, another kid had told him that he didn't match the day before. I’m not going to say that he was being bullied or ridiculed but I know that whatever was said hurt his feelings and made his very nice shoes that he was proud of having, seem inadequate.
I can’t imagine what kids go through who are far less fortunate than mine. It breaks my heart.
My first thought was of attack – you know, the “momma bear” in me wanted to show her teeth. But I only had a few short minutes before they left for school, and I wanted him to leave on a positive note. I gathered my thoughts, I considered the source(s) of the comments and I realized that some kids just don't know any better.
My lesson to Peyton was that we work hard and make sacrifices for him and his brothers. Our house might not be as grand as some but it’s nice, clean and in a good neighborhood. We may not drive a decked out SUV or fast sports car but it’s paid for, our family all fit in it together and it gets us where we need to go.
We can send him to one-on-one batting lessons and provide him with special gear. He may not have the most popular shoes in every color to match all his clothes but he has a wardrobe full of nice things.
More importantly, we provide him with a roof over his head, electricity, water and food all without assistance. These are the things that are most important to us, not matching shoes.
We have sacrificed a second income and time spent on extra jobs in order for me to be a stay-at-home mom to our boys. In hard times it’s a little depressing but I recall what Gordon B. Hinckley said. “You will come to know that what appears today to be a sacrifice will prove instead to be the greatest investment that you will ever make.”
In choosing to invest in our children instead of material things, we are all the more blessed. I hope they remember that above any pair of shoes we buy them.
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