Faceless Facebook – it is bullying at its best

By Chris Lundstrom,

Ah Facebook – social media that lets you interact with others, express your opinions, and sit in judgement, all without having to look the other person in the eye.

Don’t get me wrong. I am part of the millions (yes, MILLIONS) of people around the world who log into Facebook practically every day to see what is going on in the lives of our closest friends, and their closest friends, and the friends of their closest friends. It has become a tool of connection in this increasingly busy-neverhavetimeforeachother-society. 

I find myself “talking” through Facebook to my kids, grandkids, and even friends that I grew up with. I have re-connected with classmates and relatives and friends who moved away. It has become a relationship-builder.

But this double-edged sword can be a relationship-buster, too. It began with the telephone and charged full-speed into faceless communication where anything is often said without considering how it will affect someone.

A thoughtless comment on someone’s status is taken as criticism or worse, condemnation. Ideas are chopped to pieces by negativity and condescension. In our anonymity we speak (comment) without thinking, or worse, thinking but not caring how the other person will read it and assume how it is meant.

Bullying is a hot topic in the news. Schools have adopted zero tolerance policies towards bullying and provide training for teachers and staff to address it. More often than could ever have been imagined we see on television young people taking guns to school, shooting and killing teachers and other students, a final act of desperation to escape the tormenting and taunting from fellow students. 

It is a problem as old as time. The means and media may have changed, but the results are still the same – people deeply hurt by careless words and actions from others.

But has anti-bullying become so politically correct that we overreact to simple acts and statements that are normal rites of passing?

The jeering of older boys to a younger male who hasn’t yet reached puberty; the snickering of young girls when a classmate wears discount store clothes, the ridiculing by an employer where the employee has no recourse, the unwelcome advances from a co-worker that could result in losing a much-needed job. These are all situations that make us righteously speak up for the underdog – leave them alone! Who are you to make fun?

But we go home to our computers, our faceless Facebook or other social website, and say mean things and criticize like there are no consequences – no hurt feelings or intimidation felt on the other end. 

“Toughen up” some may say, and rightly so. We have become a society of individuals who take offense at silly things. White Americans getting up in arms about a team named the Washington Redskins. Seriously? Did someone just dream up that name? Why wait until now to get indignant about it? Does the team in any way belittle Indians? I don’t think so, I believe it’s just another step towards a muddled society where ethnicity cannot be commented on without taking offense. Yes, I am of German descent. Yes, Hitler was a German. Yes, Germans have big hips. I am proud of my heritage and all it stands for, for it is part of who I am. A small part, however. The rest is who I have chosen to become.

I remember being teased mercilessly when I was in junior high school. The “innocent” remarks by my classmates intimidated me and undermined any self-esteem a seventh grade gangly pre-teen girl could have. I didn’t bring a gun to school and shoot them all, instead I became determined to be better than that and never be mindlessly cruel. It turned me into an adult that seeks out the smallest, meekest, geekiest, and protects them from the big, bad bullies.

There has to be some toughening up done, though. We can’t walk around with our feelings on our sleeves and pull them up every time someone says something that could be construed as hurtful. That’s where the Eighth Commandment comes in. Luther’s explanation to the Eighth Commandment says this: We should fear and love God so that we do not tell lies about our neighbor, betray him, slander him, or hurt his reputation, but defend him, speak well of him, and explain everything in the kindest way.” I also expand it to mean “take everything they say in the kindest possible way.” If we aren’t always looking to be offended, we probably won’t be quite as much.  

Without sounding too preachy, if we all follow this a little more closely, we wouldn’t have to have this discussion and I would be able to write about my fear of bugs, my darling dog, or my hoarding husband. 

So remember this: just because you can’t see the hurt in someone’s eyes when you post something degrading, hateful or critical on Facebook, doesn’t mean the hurt isn’t there. Can’t we all just be a little nicer?